Little Realization

A few days ago my tip jar was stolen. Actually, it was a vase. A large vase that once held my sister's wedding bouquet. I brought it into the bakery to replace our old tip jar (which was a fish bowl) because people could reach in and take money off the top easily. We figured something vase shaped would prevent the sticky fingers.

It did. Instead, the 6' 4" petty thief just hid the whole vase (and the $25 in it) in his oversize coat, and took off. He was actually pretty stupid: he talked to me for a long time to get me comfortable, so now I would know him anywhere, and, WE HAVE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE IN THE STORE. Caught you, bastard!

Anyway, the point is not the theft, it's the aftermath. Of course I was in shock, angry, disappointed. I blamed myself. It's not my fault... the smoke detector had been going of for, minutes really, but it felt like hours. On top of that, I'd had a steady stream of people and couldn't turn off the smoke detector. Also, the detector was telling me that there was Carbon Monoxide in the store. (There wasn't, it was a faulty battery.) I was the perfect, scattered-stressed-out target.

Still, I felt like I could have done something more. That's the way it is. Once you have blamed yourself/ been blamed for the big betrayals, you tend to blame yourself for ALL betrayals. And you tend to think that everyone else will blame you to.

But I work at a wonderful place. A place where I am respected, and honestly, protected. No one even entertained a thought that I had any culpability in the theft. My boss and co-workers were concerned for me. Angry for me. We went over security tapes together. And everyone expressed genuine care and concern. I felt enveloped in compassion and love.

I have finally learned how to surround myself with people who are healthy for me. In work. In personal relationships. And so, in a way, I thank the petty thief, because now I see how wonderful the other people in my life are.

It's the little not-so-little things.