(Which has somehow over-shadowed the tragedy in Colorado... Which I think is a way of deflecting our fear... Which is why I think people are so up in arms right now... But that's not what this blog is about.)
Both sides of the gay-marriage, gay-equality, gay-rights issue believe they're right. And both are so sure of themselves... And so sure of the 'evilness' of the other side... That they cannot, and will not, hear each other out. And the din is so noisy, the back-biting so vicious, that honestly, I think 50 years down the road we will blush at what we have said and done to one another in the name of 'right'.
I have the wonderfully unique position of having lived in a very conservative state and a very liberal state. I have friends across the country who fall all along the continuum on this issue. And while I hold the belief that homosexuality is not wrong, and that even if you believe it is, you shouldn't take legal action to prevent gay marriage, I respect that others have differing opinions. I believe that I cannot make anyone else believe as I do, and if I want to air my beliefs, I have to allow them to do the same. If I expect respect, I must give it.
I was given that respect by other friends... Because there was a time I would have damned you to hell myself for being gay, or having an abortion, or checking out a woman's ass in line at the super market. I was judgmental and harsh and not at all the example of Jesus that I read about. Thankfully, I was not written off, by these friends or my loving wonderful God. I spread hate. And now I realize that. And now I try to spread love. And it took a long personal Journey to get here.
That Journey was so important to my growth as a person, and I wouldn't deny anyone else their own Journey. And if I yell my beliefs in the faces of others who are not in the same place I am, then I cause them to shut down and stop growing in whichever way they need to grow for their personal Journey. And I don't get to decide if that growth is in a direction that I would like to have them go. They have their own Journey and their own decisions to make... I cannot tell them which decision, which belief, is right for them.
This doesn't mean that I don't share what I believe. It doesn't mean I don't speak out about injustice when I see it. It just means that I recognize that pushing my belief on someone else gets me no where but alone, and anger and resentment get me nothing but frustrated.
So now we circle back to Chick-Fil-A. I personally didn't eat there anyway... Fast food is far too dangerous for the Gluten-intolerant, and I try to stay away from eating animal products as much as possible. But now I will not eat there, ever... Even if they come out with the most amazing Gluten-free, vegan thing I've ever seen! It's a personal decision... and not one based on the fact that the CEO said in interviews that he believes in traditional marriage... He can believe that all he wants, and as long a he isn't discriminatory in the practices in his stores, I just don't care.
I won't give money to Chick-Fil-A, because then that money might go to organizations that, under the name of the God I love, hate on many of the people that I love. Over $2 million of this companies money has already been funneled into organizations I don't agree with; many of which have actually earned the label "hate group." Ex-gay and anti-gay 'ministries' have wounded many beautiful souls in their desire (and I think a desire they believe is born of love) to help 'cure' homosexuality. Reparative therapies and pray-away-the-gay tactics have caused many to fall into deep depressions when they just can't be 'normal.' And MANY of these lovely and conflicted people have taken their own lives out of despair. Often kids are sent away from home, against their own will, to be given this sort of therapy. This is a destructive pattern that must stop... All life is precious, and I will not give my money to a company that funds these types of organizations.
(And I'm not spouting rhetoric here, I've personally seen what this kind of therapy does to people. I've seen the despair when someone has done all they can to "not be gay" and has to choose between a sort of hell-on-earth half-life, or, the hell of a different sort if they cannot change. And I was a part of perpetuating this pain not too long ago.)
I think that if you are a gay adult who truly believes that God abhors homosexuality and wants you to change, then you should go ahead and follow your beliefs. But I think this purported change should not include reparative or aversion therapy or any other sort of shaming tactics. Shame is not of God. (Humility is... but never shame. Humility builds love and compassion. Shame sends you into spirals of despair and self-destructiveness.)
So, to my friends on the conservative side of this issue: Use the love of God in conversing with people on the liberal side. Recognize that they are coming from a very different background/place than you. Speak calmly, compassionately, and with the understanding that God's love extends to everyone. Make your choices and stand up for your beliefs, but not at the expense of another. Many liberal people I know cannot even talk about the possibility of God because they have felt so attacked by conservative Christianity. And get to really know someone who is gay. Realize their humanity. If you do, you may begin to see that they have many of the same desires for love and comfort and friendship that you do. Remember that Jesus spoke against the hypocrisy of the religious leaders of his day, while extending his hand to the rough-and-tumble of society: fishermen, tax collectors and prostitutes. We are ALL children of God... Make peace with your brothers and sisters on 'the other side.'
To my friends on the liberal side of this issue: Use the love of God in conversing with people on the conservative side. Recognize that they are coming from a very different background/place than you.
Many in the conservative Christian world see the tactics of the liberal left as bullying and discriminatory toward religious freedoms. Befriend those who believe differently from you and treat them with all the love and kindness you can muster. Treat them the way you expect them to treat you! I think the left needs to begin to realize that this war of words that is put out there daily is off-putting to the right. Be the bigger person, and show 'the other side' that you are a beautiful important human with light and love to give the world. Become the change you want to see in the world. If we believe that gay marriage is about love, then we have to show the world how well we can love!
So, I pick a 'side', I suppose.
But only in the hopes that somewhere down the road there won't be a side to choose. That somewhere down the road, we choose to bring peace, and hope, and above all, love, into the center of our differences. To understand that, though we are all wonderfully unique, we are also all wonderfully the same. We are all lovely little pieces of humanity, journeying together... trying to work out our lives... our spirituality and morality and mortality... in the best way we know how. And what we really need, what we really crave, is compassion, understanding, and the freedom to make our own choices. What we really need is to give love, and to be loved equally in return. Be a catalyst of love and light up your world... Heaven knows we need it.
I love you all.
K
"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
